Available

OR

Question posed to me tonight. And I found it striking to my heart-



Are you expecting or existing?



As in- are you expecting God to do something, to see him, or are you simply existing.



That's all. For now.

my booty

I hope my friend Jamie Sue doesn't mind this. And I need to call her today to follow up to see what happened after events of last night, but I'm sitting in a conference listening to a talk on prosthetics and it's after lunch... So I'm gonna blog. Cuz I can. And I'm trying not to fall asleep. And I'm trying not to think about how I wish I was sitting outside... On with the story.



So I drive down to Perdido last night. I meet up with some people and head to a late dinner. While I am waiting to order my phone rings. It's my bf from Texas- Jamie Sue. She's the momma of "my" child Faith Elizabeth- aka Booty. As in Cutie Bootie. Of course I answer. She's my kid. (I love her like my own) She is 8. Plus I usually always answer my phone. It's like snail mail- I always love it.



Anyway- Jamie says something along the lines of "She's driving me crazy. She says she wants pink ice cream so I get it then she says she wants blue. You need to talk to her."



So she comes on the phone- they are in the car on the way home. I ask her to tell me what's going on. She tells me a story about school yesterday. Basically she was singing with some friends. Then a mic got handed to them on stage and turns out she didn't know all the words. And what it boils down to is she got embarrassed. And the child hates to be embarassed. She loves to be on show. But only on her terms.



So she takes it out on her family- her momma in particular. I told her I loved her and it was okay- that every once in awhile we all get embarassed. And I was so proud she stepped up to the plate and was willing to be on stage. And I told her she needed to be nice to her Mom. Cuz her Mom loves her. And I loved her. And people wouldn't think about it as much as she is thinking about it.



I couldn't hear good, so the conversation was much too brief. But after I hung up I thought about how grateful I am to have her in my world. To be able to hopefully love on her and remind her of some truth. And I was reminded of how much I miss her. And I can't wait to see her in December.



And God's timing is perfect. On days I feel strange and thoughts I shouldn't think- those contrary to God's thoughts - He reminds me of why I am where I am. And that it's just where I need to be.



So, what's that mean to you? I guess if you feel like you're in the "wrong" place- ask Him to let you know. He'll either back you up on that or He'll show you that you are just where you need to be. And for me, it was in the most unexpected way.



Good stuff. Hope you're having a good day. And God is showing Himself to you.

Shower of Power

I think I've mentioned my shower situation. I have one. I wish I had a tub. But what I've realized over the past couple of weeks is that my shower has become quite the prayer closet. Because I can't chill and read in a tub I have turned my attention towards talking with the Lord. I turn on my I Tunes and have a shower with Power. (I lived in California for a summer and we literally had a shower of power list in our showers that was changed out regularly- it had prayer requests we all prayed for while we showered.) Anyway.

So tonight I'm talking with the Father about where I am. In the US. In October. First time in 3 years I haven't spent time in Uganda during October. It makes my heart a little sad. I miss my friends. And it makes me wonder even more what the Father who knows all has in store for my future. Oh how I long to know some days. Other days I am content to rest. Lately- restless.

And I'm praying for a dear friend. And her family. And what the Lord has in store for her. For we know the Lord "ordained our days" before we were even born. And He knew what was coming long ago. I don't think He is ever surprised. But since I usually don't know what those plans are- I pray. I give each moment back to Him. And let Him be I AM. Because I know I am not. But oh how HE IS.

Anyway- I'm praying and talking and hearing yet again the Lord speak "Everlasting Love." That I am HIS. That my friend is HIS. And He loves us infinitely better and more than we can imagine. As we are having this discussion (the Lord and I) this song by Shane and Shane comes on:

"There is none like you
No one else can touch my heart like you do
I could search for all eternity long and find
There is none like you

Your mercy flows like a river wide
And healing comes in your name
Helpless children are safe in your arms
There is none like you

Whom have I in heaven but you?"

And it brought me to tears. Sweet tears. Thankful tears.

On the days I doubt I'm in the right place. That I'm doing what I need to be doing. That I feel the most out there and alone. He has a way of speaking truth and singing songs that touch my heart in ways that I don't completely understand.

I think today I am most grateful that "Healing comes in your name." For the healing of my heart and the healing of our bodies.

Don't know why I needed to put this in the bloggy world. But there it is. In process and imperfect but grateful for a Loving Father who is perfect and loves me. And grateful that I can approach His throne boldly for me and on behalf of those I love.
Wow.

The perfect storm

Ever have one of those days that everthing just seems to all join up to that perfect place for tremendous things to happen? Don't know why I only think about it in the negative big storm version, but that's where I'm headed. Sort of. And I must say I have never seen the movie "The Perfect Storm" because I know what happens. But I saw the movie clip at Fuge 2002 8 or 9 weeks in a row. I completely digress...

Well, yesterday it seems was a perfect storm sort of day. I'll spare you the details but I had to go to the MD in the middle of the day-the dermatologist. No big deal right? Sure. Well, there's a blog all typed up and ready to go that I still haven't posted- all about how I hate going to the MD.

So I thought I'd be fine, but as the morning went on the more stressed I got about it. I finally told a peep of mine. Still not doin good- So I shouted out some last minute prayer requests on the way. Waiting took 3 times as long as the appt. Frozen, cut, bandaged and on my way. Then the drama started.

On the way back to work my vision got all weird. Pretty much couldn't see out of my right eye. So I did a couple things at work then left because it wasn't gettin better. Got home, lost the lunch I just picked up. I was just glad I didn't pass out. Ended up with a migraine- the rock my world, don't talk to me, sit in the dark. Medication, bed, sleep, all is better.

Then work today. Crazy busy. New resident, moving a bunch of resident's stuff. Long busy day. With oh so humorous co worker moments in between. I love them. They make me laugh. Anyway. I head out the door to cruise on to my first real meal since Sunday dinner and.....
Wait for it...
Wait for it....
FLAT TIRE. Straight up flat as can be.
Awesome.
So here I am diggin out the jack etc (I've done this at least 20 times). But in a moment of vulnerability- called Dad. My deal with him? You loosen the lug nuts and I'll do the rest. Usually loosening lug nuts requires me literally jumping on the wrench- doesn't sound like a good move based on yesterday and today...

So I get things going and Dad shows up- whit horse and everything, ok it was a Buick. He takes care of it, and makes me sit there while he finished. (Have I mentioned it's hard for me to be served?). Dad made me sit there while I watched him put the tire back. Thanks Dad. You teach me about love, service, and humility.

So I'm walking back into work to wash my filthy black hands thinkin about yesterday and today. Here's what I'm thinkin:

I'm grateful for friends who a. Love me b. Help me pray about my ridiculous life and ridiculousness c. Who call and text to check on me. Thanks

That verse about "God will not give you more than you can handle" is NOT in there. (It's about temptation and He gives us a way out). Because I have felt a little more than I can handle. But I am grateful to know HE can handle it. HE is NOT unaware of where I am or what was going to happen.

I am grateful for friends at work who get me. Or try:) those who listen to my heart- thanks peep.

I am grateful for friends who go to dinner with me. Eating is always better shared with a little laughter on the side.

I am grateful for my sweet other family for offering one of my favs- chicken pot pie. With a surprise chocolate CFA shake for dessert.

For all the craziness, all the frustration, I sit here to say I. AM. BLESSED. And I am still laughing at the ridiculousness of my life.

Oh and follow up on last week- Horseshoe Bend vs Woodland? They won. Big. And I got lost on the way there AND home. Yep. Even with google map that sucessfully pointed the way to the stadium- nope. It was a field. Thus the lostness. I told ya- my life is ridiculous. And I wouldn't trade it.

The Reason

There's a song that's been bringing me to a come apart lately. Don't know the name of the song- lost it in the PC to Mac conversion. But it's off the Northpoint Live CD. Let me just share the words:

Found you here, in this place
Son of God, Saving Grace
At this hour, all my days, breathe on me
Morning Star, shine your light,
As I walk through this life, God of power, God of Might, breathe on me, breathe on me.

Forever, you are my reason for living,
Merciful Savior, unending, Breathe on me,

When I'm weak, you are strong,
Your breath in me will be my song,
In You my King I belong, breathe on me, breathe on me

Forever, you are my reason for living,
Merciful Savior, unending, Breathe on me,
Forever, you are the God of my story, write every line for your glory,
Breathe on Me.

When I am weak, you are strong, your breath in me will be my song

I know it lacks something without the music- but it seems to be my heart's cry. I long for Him. To see Him face to face. And I know He still has me here in this world for what He is doing. So my heart continually shouts this song.

And if you're around when I am not- please play this at my "Andi finally went HOME party." Cuz it's my prayer for those here- to have Him as their reason for living.

I love Him so. On the rough days- I see His hand.. On the great days- I see His hand. And I can't imagine not having him. Because, honestly, that would stink like (insert the worst smell you've ever smelled times a billion.)

"In Him we move and have our being." Acts 17:28 for that I am speechless and thankful beyond words.

glimpses of Him

So here are a couple of things I have been learning from the ol high school football field.  

The week I was at Emmaus I didn't get to make it to Trey's game versus Wadley.  My great friend Scott Fillmer went and took some photos.  And I must say that I loved them.  I usually stand on the Woodland side or sit with Trey's Mom.  Scott took some pics from the visitor side.  As I was going through and editing them I noticed that I could see who the folks were on the Woodland side.  Here is the photo that caught my attention: 

Trey just got the kick off and is getting ready to run down the field with the ball.  And if you will notice 3 rows from the pressbox under the "C" in the Bobcats sign is a lady with Blue on, blonde hair, and her hands up to her head.  That would be Trey's mom.  Watchin out for her son.  Totally in tune with what is going on down on the field and with her son.  And if you would look around in the picture you will see a little girl in a cheerleader outfit totally into the game, the coach on the sideline yellin and evidently pointing out to Trey which way to run.  These folks are on board for what is going on- the football game.  

Then if you continue to look you'll see a lady completely turned around talking to the folks behind her.  Completely unaware probably that there is actually a game goin on.  Another lady looking at her camera- seemingly pleased with whatever she just took a picture of.  And there is a guy in orange with his cell phone to his head, his other free hand plugging up his available ear.  Evidently more important things going on than being all at the game. 

Now understand this- It is a high school football game.  It's not life or death.  But as I looked at this picture it struck me- This is what life looks like.  This is what We look like.  This analogy will fall completely short, but let me just go with what I think and humor me. 

Let's say that Life is the football game, down on the field.  Down on the field is what God is doing.  It's up to us to pay attention and see it.  To be involved in it (and I know spectators are limited to being involved but just work with me).  There are those like Tammy who are totally in tune to what is going on.  She can tell you what happened and how things are going.  She is ALL THERE.  Then you got the other folks- completely oblivious to what is going on down on the field.  Completely oblivious that God is at work.  Backs to the field and okay with it.  And you got folks who are distracted- on the phone, ignoring some of the game, watching the other parts of the game.  The lady who is there to see and be seen- it's all a social event.  And you can't see it in the picture, but you got the folks who are there to scream at the players, scream at the refs, and generally be bossy and negative.  And you got those folks who will stand and cheer and scream and try to get others on board with cheering on the team, no matter if they are winning or losing.  This is life. 

I don't know what exactly it all means- I guess it's just a visual picture for me to continually ask myself, where am I in the picture?  Am I all there- cheering and being involved in the story or am I one of those people who aren't really there for the game?  I will leave that with you for a minute.  

And this week at Randolph County I have to give props to the flag bearer.  Mind you their colors are Blue and Yellow but their flag looked orange and blue.  And the second half the bottom fell out of the sky and rained like nobody's business.  And RCHS was being killed by Woodland as far as the score goes.  And most of the crowd for RCHS had left.  The flag bearer stayed.  And waved RCHS's flag.  In the rain.  Even though they were losing.  Tammy thought I was making fun of him.  But I was giving him serious props. (I couldn't get a good pic because he was so far away but you'll get the idea.)  He was all in.  I saw a little more of life that made me stop and think about how God may see things.  If you don't know what I mean, please let me know and I will try to explain myself a little better.  

Hope your week is good.  And if you are up for some good football...I will see you Friday night at Horseshoe Bend.

God's glory in football

Okay.  I sort of take it back.  If you recall my football tirade from last month, I sort of apologize.  Because I have gotten caught up.  I think I admitted that before, but I will do it again. Here is why:

My friend Tammy has a son named Trey- He's a Junior and plays for Woodland High School.  He's an amazing quarterback who also happens to punt the ball and hold the ball for the field goal kicker.  Folks have compared him to Tim Tebow.  And from what I have seen I would say that is a fair comparison.  Much to his mother's dismay, he is not afraid to run with the ball.  And He can throw it pretty stinkin good too. 

And I have never once had a conversation with Trey, but from what his momma says, stories I have heard about him, and what I have seen of him on the field,  I can say that I love him.  His heart for the Lord and giving the credit for his ability to God.  Put simply- I think it's safe to say, He loves Jesus. 

I've gotten to watch all but 2 of his games so far this season and have loved it.  And I take some pics for his family.  And one week I couldn't go Scott Fillmer went and took some.  And I thought I would share a few.  When there is a touchdown Trey goes to a knee (my guess is that he's thanking the Lord) while others are celebrating and he points to the sky when he stands.  Every time.  And his face black out bears a verse.  Last week from Romans and this week from John.  Good stuff.  I will let you meet him today and later in the week I will offer some other thoughts on what I am learning from my high school football season this far.  

 

The Walk

I am still here.  My bloggy absence has been unintentional.  I was sick part of last week then headed off to something called Emmaus.  And this week has simply been really busy with work. 

I feel inclined to blog about my experience last week.  Both being sick and Emmaus.  I will spare you the details of how I was sick (It wasn't happy...I will leave it at that.) I missed two days of work- during a very important time, and as bad as I felt physically I emotionally felt bad because I wasn't there to help my folks.  Looking back on it I realize it was probably the enemy trying to knock my on my tail and keep me from Emmaus.  And I'm not one to blame the enemy for much.  

I headed off to Emmaus knowing my watch and phone would be gone.  I was okay with that for the most part.  I can exist in quiet.  The only bummer was there were 2 important events going on back home that I missed the updates on.  But that's a side note. I was granted a wonderful dinner at Oskar's but unfortunately I had to eat only about 5 of my fried pickles because my stomach was on the recovery.  Then I got to Emmaus.  And the serving began. 

For those of you who know me, I am a server.  I love to help people.  I am distraught when I feel like I can't help someone.  It makes me feel useless.  People kept telling me to go to Emmaus to take a break and be served.  And I was.  There are magic elves all over the place there.  I appreciate the elves servant hearts.  I get that.  They speak my language.  

I don't want to spoil anything but my three day experience pretty much began and ended on the first night.  I won't explain the details but as I sat in a cold room with a bunch of strangers (and a few friends- one of them being on my favorites list) tired, exhausted really, I was struck with a question.  That question was "Are you afraid that you will lose everything?  That all you will have is Him?"  It was a question asked by one disciple to another.  That was the question on my mind for 3 days.  Because I have never been asked that before.  I have heard discussions on fear of...failure, losing family, changing plans...but never "What if you lose EVERYTHING but Him?"  Would I really be okay with that?  My stuff?  Yes, but my friends and family? right now...not so much.  But I'm working on that.  

As I spent 3 days at Emmaus I continually saw the body of Christ.  How we all see Him differently.  How we react to things differently.  How different things speak to people differently.  How we see the same thing and all think very different things about it.  How we give to others and how we receive from others.  How we have to ask for what we need sometimes instead of taking care of it ourselves.  Even something as simple as Chapstick.  I am grateful that I got to be served.  But I realized that I think the weekend was more about the people I encountered than myself.  

If I could have designed 3 days away I would have done it differently.  But I didn't.  Despite what I think things should have been I am grateful.  For the friends who gave of their time to serve.  To simply show up and let me see their faces.  For their kind words and their prayers.  For the things that I will never know about.  And there were moments that I could have seized to get a little more out of it, but I let others step up to experience that.  I was just trying to rest and soak it up. 

I was asked what was I going to do about what I learned. I don't remember my response, other than to keep after Him.  To be okay with whatever He calls me to do or give up next.  To continue to see the Body of Christ and speak His truth to encourage it to go deeper.   And to be grateful for the time I have been given. For I see things differently- and I see Him differently.  

well shut my mouth

Okay. So football season is here. And I officially live in Auburn. My heart is conflicted over the previous statements.  Let me try to explain.

I love Auburn. I love standing in Jordan-Hare stadium and seeing that eagle fly. I love seeing all the orange and blue. But I hate-h.a.t.e. Hearing about it 24/7.  Maybe if I knew someone playing ON the team I would gladly talk about it more. I think I would.

Last night I got to go to a high school game in Lanett. Cheerin for another team who's colors happen to be orange and blue... But I was invested- cheering for my sweet friend's son who actually plays on the team. Good game-they won. Trey remained in one piece (that would be the friend's son).  I was so invested I had to calm down on the way home.

Now I am getting ready to head to the stadium to cheer on my Auburn tigers.  And I can't help but think of how crazy it is that "we" spend so much on tonight's game.  Gas, money, time, energy, beer, clothes, face paint...

I know the Lord works through all things.  I am sure more heartfelt prayers are probably prayed on any given Saturday in the south in the fall than during any other given day.  I know there are players that the Lord uses football to orchestrate things in their lives.

But I have to think about the time and passion some non players- regular folk invest in it. Anybody seen facebook today? Already picking apart things and we haven't really gotten into the season one Saturday.  And I have to pray and wish that folks would invest some of that time and passion on investing in eternal matters. Maybe inviting friends into a discussion about God. Maybe reading their Bible as much as they read blogs and sports commentary. Maybe spend as much time with the tv off and investing in someone as much as the tv is on ESPN Sportscenter.  And I have to ask you sports types- is watching 19 hours of sportcenter during the week a pre req to watching the game on Saturday?

Okay.... So I wrote the above before I headed to Jordan-Hare. Was planning on hangin with a 10 year old in regular seats. Ended up in a sky box with said 10 year old and his parents. Oh my goodness. Getting there  involved an elevator and lots of friendly Auburn faces. Lots of food, stuff to drink, air conditioning, tv, and bathroom. Crazy.

And as the eagle flew- it flew several times right out in front of our window... and did I mention that my friend- "Trey's Mom" knows #81?  Turns out he is from the metropolitan area of of Wadley.  And shall I mention that he had the 93 yard TD reception?  Longest in Auburn history for something?  So I guess I know somebody on the team.  And I am a little more invested... Although my friend Becky's son was hurt and didn't play.  Guess I will be watchin this year. 

My life is ridiculous. Never would I have imagined I would have experienced football like that. And as I thanked the Lord for the opportunity to a. Be at the game b. Be in the sky box c. Eat my hotdogs and not have to pay 8 bucks for them (I passed on the pork,veggies, and sweet potatoes available in our suite and went with hot dogs and ice cream).  I am blessed. To have the chance- to live in a country where such is possible.  To be surprised at receiving such a blessing. To fellowship with friends and watch "my" team.  God is incredibly good to me.

I think I need to go read my Bible for awhile... Haha

the clothes

For those of you who come to my blog looking for something spiritual and deep in thought, please don’t delete me from your google reader after 2 days in a row of not that.

 

But I felt like I needed to share a little randomness that is me. 

I iron on Sunday night.  I like the down time- it’s calming for me in a strange way.  I usually iron for the whole week- pants and shirts for the whole week.  Well, last week I was in Birmingham a good bit and this weekend so I didn’t get to iron Sunday night.  But I still have nice ironed pants from last week.  But I have to get up every morning and iron my shirt.

 

So this morning I woke up to a dilemma- to iron or to go with something that doesn’t have to be ironed.  I went with the unironed version.  That would be a skirt and a shirt with a sweater type thing.  Yep.  Skirt, as in almost dress.

 

And of course when I get to work I hear commentary- I don’t wear dresses much.  Funny thing was that the reason I looked “nice” was because I was being lazy.  Another funny thing is that several people told me that they thought I had my clothes dry cleaned because they are always so crisp.  Oh if they knew how CHEAP I am.  I don’t think I have ever personally ever taken anything to the cleaners.  I have more to say on the subject, but my brain has seized up and can’t think of what I was going to say.

 

Fun thing was that I realized today as I left work with my homework I got a lot of commentary from the resident’s on the front porch.  As I walked to my car I thought “I think I have a cheering section on the front porch.”  I love my job.  I love the people there.

 

Quote of the day- “Did you know that gold fish have a memory that is only 3 seconds long?”  I do now.  And you’ll thank my coworker for that later when it comes up on Who wants to be a millionaire and you win a boatload of money…